After months of research, the U.S. Department of Gratitude and Optimistic Affairs (DGOA ) released a dire statement Tuesday, officially declaring the United States “out of reasons to be thankful” this Thanksgiving. The independent federal agency usually lists dozens of reasons for Americans to be thankful every Turkey Day, but this year it is out of options.
“Everything from the average family’s personal wealth, to joblessness, to gas prices, to the national debt, to political hostility, to world ‘peace,’ to rising costs and regulation of healthcare, to more children coming home with failing grades, neon green hair, face tattoos, reeking like Keith Richards on a bad day…sure, people may be finding little things to be thankful for here and there, but we as a nation are officially out of reasons to be thankful,” said DGOA Administrator Lance Hennessy in a press release.
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DuhProgressive.com - Nation Officially Out of Reasons to Be Thankful
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