Keith Koffler:
1. A proposal for $1.5 billion in new spending to build trestles for the Bridge to Nowhere.
2. Stimulate the housing market by requiring all new homes to include a soda machine.
3. Fight unemployment with tax credits for firms that agree to hire people who are totally incompetent.
4. Allocation of $2.5 million to hire food scientists to study on the tastiest way to prepare lobster.
5. Anyone who has ever said “If I had a dime for every time” they did something actually gets a dime for every time they did it.
6. A grant of $4 million for the NIH to employ researchers to find a cure for backache incurred from bowing to world leaders.
7. Everyone gets $200 for passing “Go.”
8. Try capitalism and see if it works.
9. Provide $3 billion to the Department of Agriculture to study whether money can be made to grow on trees.
10. Fire Bernanke and allow people to print their own money.
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