French and Muslim humor

This is a Humor Check. In our out of control Politically Correct World any joking about France and their Military that is now going to monitor the UN Peace in Lebanon requires some level of perspective.

My favorite French Military Joke (Other then Themselves) is

"Why do the French plant Sycamore trees along the roads in France? So the Germans won't have to march in the Sun."

Some Others of note.

1
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton

2
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf

3
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--Rush Limbaugh

4
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--Regis Philbin

5
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

6
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either."
--Jay Leno

7
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman

8
"War without France would be like World War II."
--Unknown

9
"Raise your right hand if you like the French, raise both hands if you are French."
--Unknown

10
"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
--Alan Kent

11
"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
--Argus Hamilton

12
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
--Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

13
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003. The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists

Doesn't all this make you feel so much better about having the frogs in the middle east to keep peace. Who thought this up? Oh yea, the UN. That explains everything.


And the Muslims:

So that no one feels left out, here are Some Jokes about Muslims. OOOOOOO
You can't say that. I mean it might offend someone. REALLY? I only wish I had more. When did we start fearing our mortal enemies so much they shouldn't be made just a bit fun of? Remember the fun we all had at Hitlers Expense in WWII?

Time to roll out the barrel again.

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?

None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!

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What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?

Lefty!

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Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?

It features full facial nudity!

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What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward?

“Live ammunition.”

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A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable doll.

“Would you like male or female?”

“Female, please.”

“Would you like Black or White?”

“White, please.”

“Would you like Christian or Muslim?”

This question confused the man, so he asked,”What has the religion got to do with it? It’s an inflatable doll!”

“Well,” explained the assistant,”The Muslim one blows itself up!”