How to condemn your children to failure

First, make sure they never fail.  Do all you can to help them not feel the pain of screwing up.

Second, make sure no one ever makes them FEEL like a failure. It's much better for Mom and Dad to shield that child from any real life.  They will be so "WELL PREPARED" when they turn 25.

Feed your kid all kinds of lies about things, how they can blame others for anything that goes wrong. Make sure you start every sentence, "It's not your fault"

Drum into them that getting a cushy job that requires almost no effort but pays well is life's eternal goal.  That way they'll never be exposed to being in business for themselves.

Tell them profit is evil and all businessmen are evil.  That will  help them to avoid aspiring to anything over menial minimum wage jobs.

Tell them there's lots of free stuff out there, it's owed to them and they ought to get their fair share. Don't worry that someone had to work to provide it.  A sense of entitlement will help them become losers.

Show them how to "Work the System".  How to screw over the man.  Never to do more than expected and try to do less.

Teach them that the only way to eternal happiness is continuing to elect politicians that promise them free stuff.  Lots of free stuff.

Let them know by demonstration that it's ok to steal stuff.  Shoplift. They owe it to you.  They can afford it.  Make sure you let them know they should never deny themselves anything. You demonstrate by buying a car that gets repossessed.  Buying furniture you can't pay for.  Going bankrupt every 7 years.  Meanwhile be sure they buy all the designer handbags and air jordans they can't afford.  Tell the, "your're worth it".... even if they are not

Never discipline them, never teach them, never command that they be in at ten PM.  The street is a great place to learn to be a man or a woman.

Make sure they reject, suspect and dishonor authority in their lives.  Teachers, cops, firemen, bosses and the like. They'll go far with that.

Let them hang out with the devils that live around you, you already can't control them.  Now they are doomed to a lifetime of failure and YOU DID IT.  Aren't you proud?

Maybe they can get a gig on Mory Povich or Jerry Springer.  That'd be great.