Are you putting unreasonable demands on yourself by setting the bar too high? Do you expect too much from your children, spouse or employees? Do you feel that the world is exerting pressure on you from every angle? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you just might be a perfectionist.
The perfectionist often sets very high standards for him/herself and others that are impossible or often frustrating to accomplish. While lofty standards are a good thing, they can become a barrier rather than an aid to completing a task, running a company or nurturing a relationship. Whether you are a perfectionist or you are dealing with a perfectionist, it’s good to realize the balance necessary for getting the desired results without experiencing the pitfalls of perfectionism.
The healthy balance between high expectations and finding reasonable results involves the desire to excel and take pleasure from putting in extraordinary efforts without feeling compelled to be perfect. It is found in setting high standards while accepting personal limitations for yourself and those around you so everyone feels good about a job well done.
Perfectionism takes a nasty turn, however, when it involves excessively demanding standards that consistently cause stress, unhappiness and criticism. When something has to be perfect to be appreciated or accepted, we stall progress and very often squelch the enthusiasm and satisfaction associated with the task. Sometimes perfectionists are actually less effective because they fret about mistakes, worry about slow progress, and try too hard to get it perfect.
I was caused to think about this topic when I received a fun email from one of my friends this week. I was challenging him to follow his ability to share great ideas and to start writing a book . . .
"Oh how I'd love to write but at this stage of my life and financial position I think it would be difficult. I think there are enough starving artists out there. I think my family would suffer too much. I think it takes me too long to write 1500 words. I think the best story is yet to happen. I think I'm too much of a perfectionist.
"I think that even if it's not yet the best story ever it could only get better. I think I could write a few words a day. Maybe I think too much."
"The greatest enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan." - Prussian General Karl von Clausewitz, Vom Kreig, 1832
His response was humorous but I thought, “He should just do it. Why not write an introduction and then one paragraph at a time!” As the perfectionist has a strong need to avoid mistakes, the innovator goes for it, takes a shot and then makes it right. So what if writing a book takes a year or two or three to complete; it is an exciting process worth every minute of effort. Even if it's never published and sold, it is an accomplishment to enjoy. As I was writing my first book, I just wanted to create a story that was meaningful. The words were far from perfect and would go through many rounds of edits before the world would read them, but the story came alive because I allowed the words to “dump” from my heart and mind onto the computer keyboard. It was after the creation was finished that each book became polished and groomed into a finished piece. If I had been concerned that every sentence was perfect before I moved on to the next I would have certainly written one chapter of one book and that would have been it!
I have found the same to be true working with people or building relationships. When we trust our instincts and talents and those of others, then we can accomplish great things. Set high standards, set great challenges and strive for the best, but remember “perfection” is a prescription for unrecognized success. Expect the best from yourself and others and exercise patience all along the journey as you find ways to achieve it.
- Jim Paluch
| Ten Top Signs Your a Perfectionist | |||
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2. You are intensely competitive and can't stand doing worse than others. 3. You either want to do something "just right" or not at all. 4. You demand perfection from other people. 5. You won't ask for help if asking can be perceived as a flaw or weakness. 6. You will persist at a task long after other people have quit. 7. You are a fault-finder who must correct other people when they are wrong. 8. You are highly aware of other people's demands and expectations. 9. You are very self-conscious about making mistakes in front of other people. 10. You noticed the error in the title of this list. Source: The BBC News Online | ||||
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