“If only” is the way it sounds. Or, if when. It’s all about hoping for something that has not yet happened. A tomorrow that may not come. It’s how we are living in the future and missing the glory of the present.
Someday is the operative word. Journey. Growing. Developing.
Those are all words which tell us we are stuck. They sound positive enough but they in fact intimate a not yet which is hoped for. This is living in a never never land of someday which never arrives.
How does this happen and how do we get out of it? How can we stop living for tomorrow and start living today.
Abraham Maslow in the 1940’s developed a chart describing a hierarchy of needs. It looks something like this:
I say something like because there is one added component, that is the spiritual. So instead of the original 5 levels, there are 6.Let’s see how this can help us live all life has to offer. Each need must be satisfied before the next need can be accessed. Reaching for self-actualization and spiritual fulfillment is the goal. But there are several things that must be fulfilled first. Unless the lower goal is fulfilled the higher cannot be.
Level 1. Body needs=I want to live today. This says, I must survive. I must make it today. I must not die. I must be OK for a while. If a person has a gun to his head he thinks in these terms. People on the battlefield live at this level. I must eat. I must duck. The drowning person seeking his next breath is at this basic level.
Level 2. Security needs=I want to live tomorrow. This is shelter, a little money. Maybe some food. Some level of provision. Once I want to live today is satisfied then living the next and the next and the next month and the next year become important. But, if I am threatened with my life, I fall to level one immediately. I can’t move up the pyramid unless the lower levels are covered. Children look hard for this.
Level 3. Social Needs=I want to belong. This is wanting to belong to a family, a group, a club, a bowling team, a company, a church, something that gives me a sense of connectedness. I want to be loved. Acceptance. This is why we have last names. This is why we marry. This is why we are alumnus of our schools. This is why sometimes we live in community or cities. We have a need to belong. But if my security is threatened this becomes less important. If my survival is in jeopardy this couldn’t matter less.
Level 4. Ego Needs=I want to be respected. This is where we want to feel like others admire or respect us and what we are or can do. We need to feel self-respect and respect from those who we are close to. Demeaning robs us of our ability to operate at this level. We want to feel like we can do what we want to do. We develop a healthy pride. That we are able, capable and autonomous to accomplish whatever we want to. We want to make the decisions in our lives. This is and can be a great place to be but it requires so much feedback from others to validate us. This trap can cause us to be stuck in a role of trying to please others to gain respect when the opposite is often the real generation of respect. We want to be loved but we want to be respected. Many wives love their husbands at a level 3 but don’t respect them at a level 4 and therefore rob them of the capacity to grow into the person they hoped they would marry. They become the destroyer of the person they hoped their mate would become.
Level 5. Self-Actualization=I want to contribute to the world; I want to count for something. This is having, knowing and operating on your purpose in life. This requires a fulfillment that sometimes is anonymous. If you are looking for accolades for you actions you haven’t left level 4 yet. Here’s where you realize you have tremendous potential to change the world for good and you try. Even if you fail you try. Who knows. Your growth is not in what you can do but in who you have become. You give because you know that the joy is in the giving not in the glory that goes with it. You are confident in your ability to do what you feel your purpose on the earth is and was meant to be. You have a sense that this is why you were born and why you get up and put your pants on every day. You are doing what you were created to do. You operate on your own volition because you want to. No one has to urge you to do more or better. You just do. Critical people don’t bother you much. At this level your personality is so healthy and solid that your purpose and mission in life trumps everything else anyone can think of.
Level 6. Spiritual=I know there’s so much more. This is seeking after God with a hunger and thirst that will not be quenched except by more of him. This is living in the fullness every day. Never getting enough, but getting all that you can possibly contain for that day. Never satisfied but always satisfied. God wants us to live here and be fulfilled all the way down.
The paradox of all of this is that as you move up the scale the other things take care of themselves.
So, what does this have to do with stuckness?
Most of us live lower in the pyramid than God intended because we buy the lies of the devil. He traps us into not moving up.
Level 1 lie. You’re gonna die. Health fears. Crime fears. Food fears. The devil traps us by making us believe we may not make it tomorrow. So we are stuck at level 1.
Level 2 lie. You are not gonna make it. You’ll go broke. You’ll lose your house. You’ll live under a bridge. You are one paycheck away from bankruptcy. All of these are lies but people that came thru the great depression went to their graves with money in the bank and never having accessed what God had provide for them and their families because of a stuck ness in fear. What’s worse is this can be so obsessing with many people, this is not love of money, it’s fear. This can become so obsessing that people never really come into the joy of the next 3 levels.
Level 3 lie. Nobody loves you. Not even your family. You are living alone with others. You will never become anyone because you are unlovable. The only reason you are still with the friends and relatives you have is because they have to love you. Nobody at work likes you either. Or at church. They all hate you and talk about you.
Level 4 lie. You are a loser. People laugh at you behind your back. You never finish anything. If it wasn’t for others you’d be nothing. You are a fake. You are low and don’t deserve whatever you have.
Level 5 lie. Nothing you are doing counts for anything so give up. You are on the wrong track. You have wasted your life. You should have given up and retired a long time ago. In fact retire now. The world is better off without you.
Level 6 lie. There is no God. Someone made it all up. You should just stick to making money and forget about spiritual things. Money is all that counts.
Of course you recognize that each of those lies are lies. But the ones at the base that we hear stop us from moving and activating the ones at the top.
If you are stuck lower in life than God created you to be, ask yourself, what lie am I hearing that is causing me to be stuck. What am I waiting for.
The reality is you aren’t going to die soon, you are safe for a long time, you are loved by friends and family much more than you can possibly imagine, you are honored and respected by those around you even if they don’t tell you all the time, you are able to make a difference in the world and God loves you more than you can possibly imagine.
Step out, take your place. Do what you were created to do for your God and for mankind.
Our worries about future security can keep us from being faithful to the Kingdom today. (Matthew 6:19-34)
In the text the theme is unmistakable.
- v. 25 Do not worry about your life…
- v. 27 Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?
- v. 28 Why do you worry about clothing…?
- v. 31 Therefore do not worry.
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