Personality Defect

In a long conversation driving back with Kevin yesterday we discussed people we know and knew who just seem to never have any friends. Who are bad at being sociable. Who just never seem to connect.

I know a man who is profoundly friendless. Who never can make and maintain any form of friendship. He is a sad case. Late 40's and friendless. I have tried but he is trying.

We came to the conclusion that friendlessness is the result of a few fatal flaws:

• Self Centeredness.... Enough about me, what do you thing of me
• Talking too much - Always a need to be right
• Never asking questions to encourage others to talk
• A poor or nonexistent sense of any humor whatsoever
• The need to dominate any conversation with their own opinion no matter what
• A lack of any capacity for true empathy
• No true transparency --- Not letting people into your life
• Clingyness - inappropriate contact for personal reinforcement

I know people like this and so do you. They are sad and friendless. I don't know if they can be helped. I have tried to help the man I mentioned. I don't think he will get there because he blames everyone else around him for his friendless state. He will end life with a small funeral.

How to win friends and influence people would be a good book to read. He won't. He, well, read the list above. He has a profound personality defect.

If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend. He's not.