15 Things Jesus Didn’t Say

15 things Jesus Didn’t Say:
“For God was so disgusted with the world and you that he gave his one and only Son.”
“I have come to bring you a new religion.”
“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have correct theology.”
“If anyone would come after me, let him disparage all other religions and their followers.”
“If you love me, you will regularly attend a church of your choice… within reason.”

“Blessed are the tithers for they shall be called the children of God.”
“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done in Heaven after the earth goes up in flames and destroyed.”
“You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor,’ which means the people with whom you attend church and relate to in your Christian sub-culture.”
“In my Father’s house there are a limited number of rooms. But no worries, there is plenty of room in Hell.”
“The kingdom of God has come!… Well, not exactly. I mean, not completely. Let’s face it, the really-real kingdom comes after we die. Hang in there. It won’t be long.”
“And you will know the truth and the truth will make you superior to all the other simpletons who never learned Greek or Hebrew.”
“You are the light of the world… well… in a sinful-filthy-scum kind of way.”
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you a checklist of things to do and not do in order to remain in God’s favor.”
“For God so loved the world… you know like theoretically… as in, God loves the big ‘W’-world. But when it come to you specifically, that are quite a few things that would need to change for God to actually and specifically love… or even like… YOU.”
“He appeared to his disciples over a period of 40 days and spoke about how to incorporate his life and teaching as a 501(c)3, and go into all the earth to build mega-churches in his name.”