Los Angeles—Michael J Fox was arrested Wednesday morning in relation to insider sports betting on DraftKings.
Fox aroused suspicion after achieving a statistically-impossible, perfect record on the site under the username NoChicken.
Authorities found an unusually worn copy of a sports almanac which
was just recently printed and which has markings cataloging winning bets
Fox has placed since the late 80’s.
“The operating theory is that the Back to the Future films were
really documentaries from an original, prime timeline,” said NASA
astrophysicist Barry Manilow. “The implications are heavy. It is
suspected that we are living in an alternate 2015, as there are no
flying cars and there are only four Jaws movies. We can only assume that
we are forever stunted as a society. The amount of lives lost due to
our lack of progress in technology and medicine is unfathomable. Worst
of all, instead of hoverboards, this sad reality is limited to the