Toxic Personalities

When I taught the Dale Carnegie Courses for so many years in the Dakotas sometimes there were people who came to the course as a result of the boss "Sending" them.  They were always difficult.

 

They didn't want to learn to "Win Friends and Influence People".

 

So, they were determined to be obstinate no matter how much  I and the graduate assistants would try to help them.

 

In most cases these were people who were in jobs that required them to have some interactions with others.  They weren't good at it.

 

I have the full list of all of the "Golden Rules" about how we can become the person we wish we could be, how to have more and better friends, how to keep friends, how to get over worry, how to become a more focused confident person, how to cultivate long term relationships and mostly how to be well liked and happy.

 

The original list is long, but, over time I have boiled it down to a few on being better with people:

 

To have more real Friends

    Be genuinely interested in what others are, it's not about you.

    Listen, stop talking, smile, listen, It's not about you.

    Don't argue, they aren't going to change their minds

    Ask questions, encourage for others to talk, It's not about you

    Tell people what you think of them ABOVE where they are, give people         a reputation to live up to.

    Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain to or about people to others

   

To be happier:

    Learn to say Thank You.

    Most people don't think good or bad of you, they don't think of you at all,     It's not about you

    Be yourself, don't imitate others,be transparent, admit mistakes

    Lincoln said, Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind     to be.     

    Hamlet said, Things are neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so

    Fill your thoughts with peace, courage, health and hope.

 

Last, It's not about you.  Unhappiness and a self absorbed personality pushes people away instead of attracting them to you.  Worrying all the time about what others do or don't think of you or what their motives are is borderline insanity.

 

It's also a toxic personality.