Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Headlines from 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
> White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.
> Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

> Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
> Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
> Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
> France pleads for global help after being taken over by Lichtenstein. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
> Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

> George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
> Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
> 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss.

> Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
>Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
> Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States

> Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

> Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative in the state.
> Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
> Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

> New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
>IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
> Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
> I Love This Country!
> It’s The Government That Scares Me!

No comments: