12 days of accomplishments that led up to Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize:
It's a 12-day miracle! Praise Obama and pass the Hopium
Last January, at the beginning of those 12 Amazing Days, thick clouds of Hopium wafted over us. So there is a slight chance I inhaled, repeatedly, and became confused about those early, heady days. Yet through the fog of time and Hopium, I remember it as a time of high adventure; of gentle forest creatures and centaurs banding together to fight cynicism and sprinkle hope upon the people. It was a time of tea and cakes.
On the First Day, tens of thousands waited hours and packed the National Mall to hear his inaugural speech. They were so cold, tired and hungry. Obama brought forth two McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwiches and five burger buns, broke them and distributed these among the people. All were nourished, with plenty of scraps left over for the starving Republicans.
The next day, Obama journeyed to the tomb of the Republican Party, which had shot itself repeatedly in the foot until it died. There in the shadowy rocks, Barack bent over the corpses of commentators Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and breathed new life into them.
"Rise, my good friends!" cried Barack. "I give you purpose! Rise and flap your gums, call me socialist and enrich yourselves. Blame me, though George Bush started the federal bailouts. Rise and prosper!"
And they did as they were told. They had new life and plenty of money.
On the Third Day, he bid adieu to Chicago Mayor Richard Daley, who'd spent the night at the White House to make sure things would run smoothly. This was proper, since years ago, the Daley women found the infant Barack floating in a reed basket along the banks of the Chicago River. They nurtured the crying babe, until he was ready to transcend the politics of the past.
Obama spent the Fourth Day pondering getting a dog for daughters Sasha and Malia. Journalists were so enraptured, so turgid with glee about the dog, they forgot to ask if he'd walk Bo and scoop up his legacies with a plastic bag from the Jewel like every other American dad. And things were good.
On the Fifth Day, Gov. Blagojevich sent the president a life-size wooden puppet named Roland. Barack placed his palm on the puppet's forehead, and lo, the puppet became a United States senator. And the Democrats, with a solid majority, were amazed.
For seven more days it continued, one miracle after another. The president picked the Steelers in the Super Bowl. They won. He submitted an $885 billion stimulus plan to Congress. The money was printed. He nominated a tax cheat for secretary of the Treasury. The tax cheat was confirmed.
"This is not how I expected to wake up this morning," said Obama on Friday. "Malia walked in and said, 'Daddy, you won the Nobel Peace Prize, and it's Bo's birthday.' And then Sasha added, 'Plus we have a three-day weekend coming up.' It's good to have kids to keep things in perspective."
It's good that the Nobel committee has things in perspective, too, recognizing his 12 Amazing Days of Peace, Harmony and Universal Love (may their memories forever burn brightly).
Oh, what a time it was. Now please pass the Hopium.
Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment