Preamble and Greeting:
"Uh, just want to give a shout out to my friends at Code Pink, to Bill Ayers, Bernadine Dorn, the folks at the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), the Muslim Brotherhood, Hamas, the Nation of Islam and my friend Louis Farrakhan, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Rashid Kahlidi, Wael Ghonim - uh Google that folks! Huh! Huh! - and to all the American muslim youth who marched in solidarity with our friends in Cairo, shouting at and threatening any Jew or supporter of Israel. We knew if we worked hard together, we could bring about Change!
Body of Speech:
My fellow Americans, we have arrived at an important moment, a watershed event, a turning point in democracy for Egypt and for the World Community.
Uh let me be clear: This is all about me. I don't want anyone to forget that I have a Nobel Prize, I am the President, a citizen of the world, and I am the reason all that happens anywhere, happens.
You have heard it said that what happened in Egypt today is the result of behind-the-scenes negotiations and planning between me, Bil Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn, Code Pink, the Muslim Brotherhood and other pro-democracy groups, working hard in Egypt and in secret meetings at the White House. Pay no attention to those glimpses behind the curtain. I am Obama, the great and powerful.
In the same way that an energized, Hopeful and excited youth, working for Change, helped lift me into this Office, it was a committed, optimistic, glazed-eyed, ignorant, manipulated crowd of youth who maintained the pressure on America's long-term ally and caused him to fall, leaving the way open for 'democratic' leaders who want to kill Jews, wipe Israel off the map and detonate nuclear bombs in the United States of America.
Change is now the order of the day in Egypt. You may rest assured that I and my administration are prepared to help usher in a new age of fairness, wisdom, enlightenment and stomping the crap out of anyone who disagrees with Jihad.
This is a good place to stop and let you applaud and cheer adoringly for me...
Uh! Thank You. Like all democracy-loving people, I stand with all my fellow world citizens today in solidarity and full cooperation with those in Egypt who wish to set up a new kind of government that honors the ideals of creating a global Caliphate and causing as much harm to America and her allies as we can.
I will soon make another trip to Cairo, taking a victory lap for my accomplishments, blaming America, quoting from the Holy Koran and blaming conservatives and Christians for all that has ever gone wrong in the world.
Let me be clear, I am also casting my eyes to other nations who have leaders that support America. Be assured, I am watching you and considering how best to topple your government as well. Just remember, I won. I am in charge.
When the assasinations, murders and purges begin in Egypt, ah, just remember, democracy requires some tough choices, and be glad that our fellow citizens in the World Community are willing to do what it takes to create the conditions for the imposition of a new world order. When Israel is attacked from the South - something Hosni Mubarek prevented for 30 years - it will mean that finally, the noble palestinian squatters, er, ah, uh, people.....are finally achieving their dream of freedom, with help from their Islamist brothers and from my administration.
We are about to embark on a thrilling, world-changing, democracy-creating adventure.
Uh, may Allah and Gaiea Earth Mother bless you!
As always I will entertain questions from the 'News Media' after my remarks today, but only those alphabet networks and big print media who are willing to get on their knees, smooch my scrawny bootay and ask only easy, T-ball questions that make me look magnanimous, wise, good-humored and in control of all that happens. FOX News, conservative talk show hosts and conservative newspapers, magazines and blogs....The Exit is right over there. Get out now our I'll have one of my union thug buddies bite off your fingers, choke you, hit you with a Black Panther billy club, or smash your cameras! Uh that's right! Get outta here, along with all our other "Enemies!"
1 comment:
Obama thinking, "I wonder if dad is proud of me yet?"
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