I'm pretty good at counseling young men on how to meet "the one". Never really tried to deal with it from the other perspective. I have considered carefully many women I know who are very "Successful" at attracting male attention in a Godly way and are able to stay pure while doing so. I make the assumption that the woman I address this to is a Christian and want to meet anther of like precious faith.
So, here goes nothing...
Nothing is more appealing then one who melts into you. One who you as a man think that if you hugged her would disappear into your arms. There is a root for that. Submission. Now, Biblically submission is a wife to a husband. But the spirit of submission is important. She must know that HE doesn't need a competitor. He doesn't need a one up manship. He needs to know that even if he's not that strong (at the beginning) you are willing to let him be strong.
I think the POWER STRUGGLE in a marriage and in a relationship, even in it's vestigial stages is very off putting. Forget the movies. Forget what you see on the housewife TV shows. A man wants to feel this woman he might be interested in is looking for him to "Be the Man". And however badly he does this, she will embrace it.
As a relationship sprouts and blooms, this is a critical area. Women of God...you must allow him to be the man. He will never willingly submit to you. I love strong women. I love it more when they put aside their strength and let me be me. I get this. Some modern movements (women's lib and the culture) have distorted this horribly. Never say, "I'll submit after we are married". No you won't.
Second, looks are waaaaay overrated by women. They think men are ONLY interested in looks. Yes, beauty is attractive for a moment, but we have all known women who were stunning and vipers on the inside. Don't do that.
Be well groomed. Be clean. Dress with some mystery. Don't show too much. It's scary to most men.
Don't overdo makeup, use enough to look good, but don't look like Dracula's daughter. Don't overdo jewelry. It says, I'm expensive but if you buy me enough you can have me. Just don't. Be tactful. Something simple as a ring, something as a necklace, nice simple earrings. That's enough.
Hair is sexy. Have some. Doesn't have to be flowing but if you deal with it well, it will accent your face. There is no biblical law against extensions. If it helps, go for it.
Don't over-worry about your figure. Do the best you can and dress to accent and diminish the parts that matter to make you feel confident. I happen to like "Full Sized" women. Many men do.
Now the how to flirt part. EYES. Look at him. Eye to eye. SMILE large. Laugh and if you don't have a pretty engaging laugh, learn. Practice. If he says good morning to you, look for the humor and giggle just a bit.
Glance back...twice or three times.
In conversation, let him talk. If he is real charming he'll let you talk. Don't go deep right away, respect his opinions. Don't argue. This isn't a debate.
Never lie. Never gossip...not about anything. The fear is, if you talk about them in front of me, how will you talk about me in front of them.
Don't ever ever ever ever worry about what your parents, friends, acquaintances, former boyfriends and others say about him. This is not about them. If you want to be talked out of it, there are a zillion people willing to do so. Forget them.
Unless he's a toad, he's not interested in sex...yet. That comes later so relax.
If he's middle aged he will put up a front. Talk big. Do lots of things that will not be appealing in the least. IF you are looking for the Dos Equis man, sorry there's only one. You will settle, until you fall in love. Find a man you can invest yourself in, not necessarily one who sweeps yourself off your feet.
Now here's the hardest part. IF you are over 40 and wanting to meet a man about your age... told you this would be hard, YOU will probably have to make the first move. Find a way to give his camels something to drink. Supreme court justice Sandra Day O'Conner found the man she wanted to marry and set out to bake him a pie. Took TWO days. Gave it to him and a year later they were married. At least that's the story. The old adage that the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. Not far from true. Don't forget the bacon. Bacon is a near sacrament to men.
Be of service. Let him get used to you being around till he can't do without you.
Don't be offended by anything he does for a long time. He is unmarried or divorced because he may not be very good at this. You can help him develop if you allow him space.
I know as a young woman, you had all kinds of knights in shining armor on a white horse fantasies. They are out there but they are disguised as guys you didn't give a look at the first time round the bend.
That man you know who you MIGHT be interested in meeting that is not married (I have such a son) is bashful, not forward, guarded, sensitive and not willing to risk any more. His life is OK, not great, just OK.
IF you are able to get him hooked, he may become the most passionate romantic man you ever thought possible. You may be the doorway to a whole new dimension. Very sensitive men often are.
Most of all, be gentle. Men are fragile beings. They will die for their wives, but lose their manhood routinely to women who for unknown reasons snip off the important parts with a harsh tongue.
I am married to such a woman of quality I have described. I know such women. Women that when I talk to them I know that if I took them in my arms they would melt. I know what that's like.
My wife is beautiful, mid 60s and to this day I can barely keep the men off her. It's not her outer beauty, everyone loves her. She is the woman I have described. She is that person. Everyone loves her.
I don't have all the answers, but I know this. There are enough lonely straight women out there who would LOVE to meet a lonely straight guy. The only thing keeping that from happening is pride. A smile, a gentle flirt will go a long way.
Ladies, I love you, but if you have seen your 40th birthday come and go, it's time to get serious if you want to meet that guy. YOU reach out. Invite him to dinner. Invite him. I know this, my single 40 year old son will NEVER marry unless he meets just such a woman. She will have to pursue him till HE catches HER. That's the way it works...later in life.
It's not that hard, be aggressive and submissive at the same time with a ready smile and a laugh connected with an act of service. No outward fro fro. Read 1 Peter 3 from which this was drawn as well as my life of nearly 70 years experience.
How bad do you want to make this work. I suspect as you read this you already have the picture of a man who fits this...Go for it...what do you have to loose? He want's a relationship more than you do...no matter what they say.
MEN?? Can I get an amen??
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