Earning the Right

In the post below, Doctor Doctor, The question in a comment was raised and it caused me to ponder, for a moment. GHB’s contention was that unsolicited advice was never welcome and that one must earn the right to speak into other's lives.

I absolutely agree, in principle. Where we might differ is what the nature of an earned right is and what reason is there to correctly or incorrectly offer said advice despite the probable resistance to unsolicited advice. Is it possible that a person resistant and resenting unsolicited advice may well be out of order, out of line. I suggest there is.

I spoke in the post in terms of offering advice to a Business I am related to or am part of, Churches and States or regions I live in and certain specific people.

Examples:
I have a garbage collection firm. They changed billing policies. I let them know in very direct and unsolicited way that I thought they were wrong. If they didn't change the policy I would vote with my feet. They didn't, I did. I had every right, maybe even a responsibility let them know where I thought they were in error. Did it matter? I'll never know. But saying nothing guaranteed nothing. I had earned the right.

I have an ISP that is doing a bad job of customer support. They think things are fine. They cash my checks (actually hit my Credit Card) every month. I think they have a problem. Have I earned the right to question and even suggest there might be a better way? Darn right. And I DO!

When I was CEO or even an employee of certain firms in the past I had an interest (an earned right) in the prosperity of the firm I was working for. IF I saw something that in my opinion was not as it should have been did I have a fiduciary earned right to say something or should I leave my unsolicited advice in my pocket? I think I know the answer there.

I have customers and suppliers. I do my level best to see that they are whole and prosperous. If they go out of business my business might suffer. So I offer (much more humbly) whatever encouragement I can to help them avoid money losing and business threatening activities. I earned the right. They sell me things and buy things from me. I have an interest in seeing them complete, whole and prosperous.

I am from North Dakota. I'm not from Georgia. If I gave Georgia my opinions on what I see and what could be done better I wouldn't have earned the right. I would be offering advice that would and should be unwelcome. However, in North Dakota's situation, I have family there, I have financial interests there, I pay tax there, I have grandkids there, I lived there, I will likely be buried there. IN other words, despite my love for Illinois and all it offers, I am inexplicably tied to North Dakota. I have an interest. I know for many it's unwelcome. That doesn't make it any less important or less revealing. The fact that I rattle cages needing to be rattled may mean more than anyone imagines. I have earned the right and even have the responsibility to take whatever skill of observation I have and offer it. They (the decision makers) can ignore it with all implied arrogance. I have done what I could.

I am involved in 4 Church Fellowships. They all get money I give, I am on ministry teams in all of them, I am part of the leadership in one way or another in some, I do my best to see them prosper. With my sincere and dedicated efforts comes my opinion. If I see something that in my opinion I see as wrong or flawed and in need of correction do I have a responsibility spiritually to say something or should I just let things drift until serious damage is done? I submit, as long as they allow me to lead, as long as they accept the offerings I bring, as long as I am able to darken the door without fear I have not only earned the right, I have a Godly responsibility to speak up with boldness when I see something that is not as it should be. I do and will.

To an individual. My son Kevin is sitting 8 feet from me. He's visiting from Boston for a month. We have been enjoying each other. He's 35 years old. Certainly an adult. I haven't and won't but do I have a right earned as his father to speak into his life or not? How about my brother. How about my folks. Do I? Or would I be better off just letting them drift into oblivion if I saw them on a path I had walked and experienced potholes.

I have many people who call and ask me for advice (free). I offer it if they ask. Last night after Church a good man who is an usher came to me and wanted a word. I gave him one. He left full. That was an earned right. I have reflected and for the most part except for ONE glaring exception I have been faithful to only speak into people's lives where I have an interest and an earned right.

Once in the last few years I took a risk and chose to speak into the life of a person who reads this blog. It was unsolicited. I was out of line. I have apologized. I will again. I thought it was the right thing to do. I wish it had worked out. It didn't. I don’t regret the effort. I still think it was a good idea. I do regret the hurt I caused. That one dumb mistake has caused me to be much more careful in such things.

To GHB who made the comment, you made me think. I think based on reflection I behave myself pretty well. I’ll keep an eye on it.

On the other hand, if you want me part of your group but you don't want me to speak up you are kidding yourself. Any club, church, group, business, family or association I am a member of can expect me to offer whatever I see. I won't stay silent. If I do business with you as a customer and you continue to cash my checks don't expect me to sit quietly as some sheepling and allow you to treat me badly.

On the other hand:

If I have no standing (as I don't with the state of Georgia) I'll hold my piece and my peace.

I know when I have and haven't earned the right.

Glad I had a chance to think about it.

I won't be changing my policy.