Porcupines and Bunnies

Two weeks ago I was with our extended family at the reunion. Jeannie, Wally's wife has bunnies for house pets. I've had a cat, a dog, a fox (we raised it from a tiny pup) and a duck (not in the house). I've never had a bunny.

I've also never had a porcupine. I don't know anyone who HAS had a porcupine for a pet. I've known of pet skunks and pet raccoons, even pet snakes. Don't see many porcupines in the house.

Howcome? I think because they are prickly. You can't get close to them. They are hard to pet or hold. They can be unpredictable. Today you can have a touch relationship with them and tomorrow you get stung or poked.

I know dog people, cat people, snake people, fox people and on and on. Most of them are people that with understanding I can have a relationship with. If on the other hand I don't know if I will be stung next time we are together or not, it soon becomes that I'd rather not.

When Kevin was in Chicago with me one afternoon we were walking down the street. There was a very large man, not handsome, put it frankly, FAT and homely. On his arm was this knockout woman. I poked Kevin and asked, "How does that happen"? I was being superficial of course. He could have money, he could be famous. OR, he could just be the most attentive, caring, bright and even funny person you would ever want to meet.

He probably treasured her, even worshiped her, loved and protected her, she knew she was safe in every way with him and could be who she is without judgment from him. He was her covering.

She wanted (needed) what he provided in emotional currency and she was willing to make that irrational commitment. Oh, there are more cynical answers but the real answer is probably more like what I have just described. I see this asynchronous relationship all the time.

Beauty and the beast.

The opposite situation is more complex. I go to a park or a party and see this handsome man, tall, square jawed, lean, musculatured, well dressed; what any woman would take a second look at. He will be with what could only be described as a chubby toady women. The same question applies. WHAT? How does that happen? What in the world does he see in her? How did she get that done? I have met some pretty ordinary frumpy women who have the ability to attract all kinds of men men and some pretty amazing beauties who can't catch a man with human flypaper.

What does miss frumpy toady and chunky have going for her? She worships the man she's with. Looks in his eyes. Reveres him. Feeds his ego. Honors him. Treats him like the King he wants to be. Covers his feet (a Ruthian reference). He wants what she provides and soon he sees the inner beauty she is and what is seen on the outside doesn't matter anymore.

This is actually pretty simple. The asynchronous trade off is

He - Love and cherish, protect and cleanse and provide

She - Honor and Respect, Live in order, and care for

When this is happening the seemingly unbalanced relationship is in balance. There is no 50-50 in relationships. It's 100-100. Anything held back is potential division.

I wrote of this in my little booklet on Marriage (which is linked in the blogroll on the left at the bottom) and which I am happy to say over a thousand copies have been printed distributed or sold (in two Christian bookstores) to date. I will write other chapters for the next printing when the last copies are sold. I have found a publishing company that will print this in runs of 150 each. More on that when I do it.

Do I know everything about successful man woman relationships? Nope. But I know something. Only he or she who has ears to hear will hear. Someone who knows how to fly a plane can teach someone who doesn't yet know how to fly something about flying, no matter how many times they have been up in one, read about them or seen airplanes. It's the success that must be learned from and not the theories of those still on the ground.

Or, if the porcupine strikes again I'll just keep my distance.