Sometimes I Feel Like a Fraud

I have had much "Glory" in my life. High position. Travel. Executive station.

Mr, Herr, Sir, Mr. President (corporate), etc.

I have also had low position from difficulty, business failures, ministry failures.

When I am "Riding High" sometimes I feel like a fraud. Yes, I get the accolades but in the end I'm just me. This isn't false humility. This is the fact that I sometimes kick way beyond my coverage. I wonder sometimes if people really knew me for who I really am would they hold me in such esteem. But I am fortunate to have a few people who kick the poop out of me on this blog and call me all kinds of names. I am actually not easily offended.

Even Billy Graham in his heyday had Grady Nutt who had the right to come to him and say, "I regret to tell you Dr. Graham that once again sir, you are full of S___".

For those who tell me that, I actually appreciate it. My ego and arrogance is part of who I am and who I appear to be to others. On the other hand, inside sometimes I have self doubt. I guess we all do. My self doubt is the difference between the perceived Gene and the actual Gene. I wish there were less difference than there is. I try hard to be transparent but there are things about me I know that if others knew they might not like or love me the same as they do now.

I know theologically this is a lie of the Devil. In a conversation this Morning Pastor Phil Ressler wisely said, "Sometimes when we feel like this it's the devil saying, THE CROSS IS NOT ENOUGH". That was one of those REHMA words we all need sometime.

The Cross IS enough. I am worthy not because of who I am, Lord Knows, but because of who He is in me.

Pr Phil told me something else I never knew, The reason high church pastors wear robes is to cover the sinful man delivering the word of the Lord. That made some sense to me.

I'm not going to start wearing a robe but the idea that I am covered is a powerful truth.

So, I'll do what I do tomorrow morning, I'll wear the collar, I'll minister in the anointing of the Holy Ghost. I'll be the Called Man for the time and walk in the authority he provides within that call.

I have just been thru a humbling that helps me know, It's not about me, in my own flesh dwells NO GOOD THING.

Sometimes I just need to be reminded, even when I feel like a fraud, HE endorses the back of my phony spiritual check and makes it good.

Thank You Jesus